I have mainly been a full-time mum since my first daughter, Samantha, was born in 2011. Chloe, our youngest daughter, is still at the local primary school that Samantha also attended. My husband, Chris, and I have built up really good relationships there with both staff and other parents. Being at school with the girls at drop-off and pick-up every day (barring illness or special events) has been important for me. It is also an ideal time to chat with other parents.
Getting these conversations started is hard, especially as I’m actually quite shy. But my advice is don’t wait for someone to talk to you. Be brave and say hi to someone else. Open the conversation by doing a very British apology that even though you have seen them every day for x number of days, you still don’t know their name, then say what your name is. If this isn’t met with a chuckle, try someone else the following day. If you already know a parent’s name, try to catch their eye. Talking about the weather is always a good conversation starter! While I don’t have much interest in fashion, if I see a mum who is wearing something nice, I find commenting on that is another friendly way into getting to know them.
Of course, prioritising conversations at the school gate also involves enabling them to happen. It means turning up a few minutes earlier, if you can, to have time to chat at pick-up or drop-off. It might require getting out of a warm car to queue in the cold in order to talk to others. That’s a big challenge for me! And it means hanging around when all you feel like doing, for example, is grabbing the children and getting home. Above all, pray. Ask God to open opportunities for conversations, and then for you to be able to recognise them and have the confidence to take them.
There is a mum who I didn’t talk to properly for years as she always looked amazing – with her figure, hair and make-up. I found her much too intimidating. Why on earth would she want to be my friend?! It turns out she had looked at me and thought exactly the same thing, but for a different reason. Because I was involved in the PTA (Parent–Teacher Association) and seemed popular, she thought she wasn’t good enough to talk to me. What a silly situation! It took us until our older children were in maybe Year 4 before we got to know each other properly. Then we had a laugh about how preconceptions can be completely wrong. We look completely different on the outside but found we have a lot in common and have connected over our mutual struggle with anxiety.
The bit I find hardest is genuinely getting to know people and making friends if they are not the people I would naturally choose as my friends. But I try to trust God that I’m in the right place at the right time. If those are the people who he has chosen to put in my life, I’d better get on with it!
Sometimes gospel opportunities do come up, such as the classic ‘What did you do at the weekend?’ That can be a good opener either to get asked or to ask so that people may reciprocate. You then can drop going to church into the conversation and see how they respond. Generally I try to find some way to let other mums know I am a Christian by talking about either Jesus or church when I first meet them. You could then ask if they have ever been to church and why or why not. It doesn’t seem natural at first to get past the initial small talk but mums love being asked questions and talking about themselves. You can try to go a bit deeper each time you chat.
This doesn’t always happen; at other times I have to wait for God to open up opportunities in the conversations. I try to keep in mind that I need to be patient and wait for him to work, as telling someone the gospel is not going to be a sprint but more a marathon. I think most people would agree that a Bible-wielding mum would not be welcomed. On the other hand, if you don’t tell other parents what you believe, they won’t know. It’s about finding a sensitive way in. It is almost easier with mums who are clearly from other faiths as there is a more natural starting point to swap beliefs in the conversation and show you’re interested in finding out about them. But even when sensitive topics like abortion have come up in conversation, I have realised that a lot of the time other mums just want to have someone who will listen to what they are going through. Walking alongside someone in this way builds trust for further gospel opportunities. I always try to point someone towards Jesus rather than say if I disagree with their choices.
I got to know one mum because our routines were such that we always seemed to be at the school gates at the same time. She was learning to drive when we met so I gave her some lifts to and from school. When she passed her test she was still very nervous, so I offered to go out with her while she practised her driving to build her confidence. I think this was important in showing her God’s love, and led to a lot more conversations. She did believe in God but didn’t know what that really meant, so we started reading the Bible together. One day, in her car, she prayed to give her life to Jesus, which was amazing. Now she comes to our women’s Bible study group when she can on Wednesday mornings.
However, friendship evangelism doesn’t always go that well. One mum, who I had known since 2015, knew I was a Christian and thought that was great but had the wrong impression of what I believe. For example, she thought it was bad to swear in front of me! That was a great opportunity to explain you do not have to be perfect to come to God – it’s the opposite! However, we never seemed to get past the surface when she asked me questions. Then when I offered to read the Bible with her, she sadly stopped asking me anything more about Christianity.
I also find navigating class WhatsApp groups a minefield. They can become quite scathing towards teachers (or other parents). A lot of prayer and wisdom is needed to know what or how to respond. I do usually try to stick up for the teachers or give an alternative viewpoint but I have made epic mistakes in the past. Sometimes it is wiser to keep silent.
Now my kids are older, I find I am the odd one out for not having gone back to work. I appreciate our family situation is not financially possible for everyone or that some mums may prefer to go back into paid employment. However, it has worked really well for us as I can volunteer a lot at school and have amazing opportunities to tell people the gospel in my free time. Most schools have a PTA that relies on parents’ help. Giving a couple of hours when you can is definitely something else to consider.